June is Pride Month

Some random musings on the subject

I don’t know where I’m going with this, as I start typing - and I’m not intending to edit it - just write and publish whatever I end up with, ‘warts and all’. I just want to write what comes into my head…

So, given how naughty my thoughts often get, I should probably start with some sort of ‘content warning’: this post is intended for a mature audience and, as such, it may touch on (or even take a deep dive into) so-called ‘adult’ themes; it may turn out to be quite (or even very) sexually explicit - so, if you’re not legally allowed to view ‘adult’ themes, stop reading now; similarly, if you’re offended by reading about sex, stop reading now.

There, now we’ve got that out of the way we can talk about whatever we want to.

I am, as you may have guessed from my ‘avatar’ or ‘icon’ (or whatever those little pictures which identify each of us on here are called), I am a supporter of folk who are somewhere, or anywhere, on the LGBTQIA+ ‘spectrum’. It wasn’t always the case - for many years I subscribed to the view that being on that ‘spectrum’ was a ‘lifestyle choice’ which the supposedly ‘theologically conservative wing’ of Christianity considered was sinful. However, having witnessed the struggles of some of those of my acquaintance (including two nephews) to be anything but gay, I realised that it wasn’t a choice; indeed, they had no choice: that was the way they were ‘wired’ and there wasn’t a damn thing anybody could do about it. It isn’t a huge leap from that realisation to the one which says ‘if ‘they’ are that way by nature rather than choice, then that must be how God intended them to be’. And then, all of a sudden, you find you’ve crossed a line and become someone of whom the supposedly theologically conservative strongly disapprove!!

You can, if you like, add to that my own ‘doubts’ about my gender… And then, maybe, in some small way, I am somewhere on that ‘spectrum’ myself! If you’ve been following my writings on here you may have noticed a certain ‘fluidity’ when I’m writing about gender, often expressed in my fantasies.

In some (many, most?) ways I am a conventionally heterosexual, apparently cis-gendered, male. I was married to a lovely, now sadly deceased and much missed, lady, and our sex-life was conventional, if not particularly ‘exciting’. I had no problem with that - other than as someone who turned out to be autistic, difficulty in getting the relationship ‘off the ground’ in the first place… Yes, she asked me out; but once over that initial ‘hump’, it really was all terribly conventional and ‘nice’.

But, at the same time, there is, and has always been, a certain ‘tension’ about my sexuality and gender. It began very small, when I was quite small. There was a girl; an Irish girl, with flowing, waist-length, locks of fiery red hair. I suppose, on one level, I had a crush on her; but on another, somehow more fundamental, level, I was envious: I wanted hair like that. I later realised that I didn’t want to be a boy with a ‘mullet’ (or whatever); I actually wanted to be her. For many, many, years, I suppressed those thoughts - they were clearly ‘sinful’…

But becoming a widower, and having a massive (and ongoing?) rethink of everything about my ‘philosophy of life’, changed things, and I slowly realised that I could ‘embrace’ that difference… It was, after all, part of what made me, me. Self-acceptance, with all my oddities (neurodivergence not least amongst them), has been (and still is) a journey I was (am?) on. And it wasn’t a huge leap from there to the realisation that there was something ‘different’ about my sexual fantasies too.

As I understand it, a lot of men have fantasies about lesbian women. I do too. But where I perhaps differ from the conventional lies in how they ‘play out’ in my mind. Most men, I believe, imagine themselves ‘joining in’ with lesbian sex and, because of their (egotistical?) belief in their sexual prowess they fantasise about ‘converting’ those women to enjoying heterosexual sex. That isn’t my fantasy. If I’m imagining lesbian sex then I imagine myself as one of the lesbian participants!

If you were around for Saturday’s ‘Smut Stroll’ event, you may have seen my two posts:

They were intended firstly to be two titillating tales, but secondly an attempt to illustrate how my fantasies can ‘play out’ in my mind - and, indeed, I often revisit a fantasy which has included me as ‘male’ and play it through with me as ‘female’.

Though I may have some, mild, ‘trans traits’, I have no desire to transition; I’m happy as I am; the way I’ve been all my life - heterosexual male, but with some ‘odd’ fantasies, like those above. I’m really just starting to explore that side of ‘fantasy me’ properly. On that note I really enjoy some of Ella Light’s tales of her and her Miss (but not the BDSM ones!) - I’m finding the idea of being a ‘chick with a dick’ (or especially being female like Ella and having sex with a girl with both boobs and a cock) a big turn-on! The idea of ‘female me’ being fucked by ‘girl-cock’, whilst simultaneously fondling big boobies and sucking on hard nipples makes me really hard! Something new to explore (and maybe write about?) in my fantasy life perhaps?

So there we go; that’s where I am at the moment, and that’s my Smutstack ‘contribution’ to Pride Month, unedited and unexpurgated!